Thursday, January 21, 2010

Farewell Jersey Shore

Watching the Jersey Shore is like watching 2 girls 1 cup; you want to look away but something won't let you ...In honor of tonight's finale episode of the worst/greatest show ever created, I've decided to compile a list of memorable quotes from this season


"I would give her dick in bubblegum. I would send her a picture of my dick in a pack of bubblegum & say 'chew on this'."

"Yeah, we smushed."

"We hold hands in front of you, we cuddle in front of you, we make out in front of you, like what else do we need, do I need to beat it front of you, too?"

"If I was just gonna get sloppy, I should have just pounded out what’s her name on Friday night."

"You just take your shirt off and they come to you, it's like a fly comes to shit."

"The rhino Juice is the shit that gets the night going, I mean whenever that shit comes out it’s always a filthy night."

"Mike would bang a Gatorade bottle if it had a pulse at this point. Seriously, he would."

"Schnickers is like crying 'cause she got punched in the face and like The Situation is creepin'."

"I’ll suck your big toe right now, I don’t give a shit."


"How do you go in a fucking jacuzzi with a thong and a bra? Wear a thong bikini , that's a little bit more classier if you're gonna wear anything at all, ya know what I mean?"

"I feel like this job is beneath me, I'm a bartender. I do, like, great things."


"Guys with the blow-outs and the fake tans, and guys that wear lip-gloss and makeup, those aren't guidos, those are retards."


"My ultimate dream is to move to Jersey, find a nice juiced hot tanned guy and live my life."

"My ideal man would be Italian, dark, muscles, juice-head, guido".

"I'm not trashy, unless I drink too much."

"He’s a really good guy. That’s the kind of guy I need in my life. I think his name is Ron." [it was Russ]

Pauly D

"You Stalked my whole life on the boardwalk"

"And in walks this girl with like garbage bags. I thought that was kinda like ghetto, and like weird. Like you can't find a suitcase? No one in your family's got a suitcase you can borrow?"

"My hair didn't even move an inch and I was in & out of the water. My hair's windproof, waterproof, soccerproof, motocycleproof. I'm not sure if my hair's bulletproof, I'm not willin' to try that."

"She just doesn't want to feel like a trashbag because she has a boyfriend and she kissed me with her tongue."

"I was born and raised a guido. It's just a lifestyle, it's being Italian, it's representing, family, friends, tanning, gel, everything."

"We’re beatin’-up-the-beat, that’s what we say when we’re doing our fist pump. First, we start off by banging the ground, we’re banging it as the beat builds ‘cause that beat’s hittin’ us so we’re fightin’ back, it’s like we beat up that beat."

The Situation

"This is The Situation right here, my abs are so ripped up it's.. we call it The Situation."

"It's obvious that Sammi has a crush on me... it goes back to the days of prehistoric kindergarten"

"I felt bad about Snickers getting hit by a couple linebackers. I necessarily didn’t want to bring home any sort of zoo creatures what-so-ever. I mean, these broads just probably smelled the food at the house."

"There’s one huge grenade launcher, there’s one grenade, and then there’s one cutie."

"G.T.L. baby. Gym, Tanning, Laundry"

"When we’re out on the battlefield, I’m like the first strike. It’s sorta like they send me out, first, like the Navy SEALS."

"I'm hooking up with my girl, Pauly's hooking up with his girl & ahh, we're gonna have sex, so, ya know, that's the situation."

"I'm not touching one dish, because I cooked a crazy meal and she's got the nerve to tell me to clean my plate. You know what? You are excluded from dinner then, from now on you are excluded from the surf n' turf night. You excluded from ravioli night, you excluded from chicken cutlet night."

"I’m like “chill out, Freckles McGee.”

"Basically, one of these girls was definitely more cuter than the other and it happened to be my girl & Pauly D was with “the grenade.” When you go into battle, you need to have some friends with you so that just in case a grenade gets thrown at you, one of your buddies takes it first."

"I wait till the last minute to shave, I wait till the last minute to put the shirt on 'cause you feel fresh. These are rules to live by, shave last minute, haircut the
day-of, maybe some tanning and the gym. You gotta do the guido handbook."

"Everybody loves me, babies, dogs, ya know, hot girls, cougers. I just have unbelievable mass appeal."

"If you want to look somewhat like The Situation, which is gonna be pretty hard, you need to get that protein in your diet."

"You can hate on me all you want to, but what can you possibly say to somebody that looks like Rambo, pretty much, with his shirt off."

"Everybody at the Shore definitely knows The Situation. As far as I know, everybody loves The Situation, and if you don't love The Situation, I'm gonna make you love The Situation."

"I mean this situation is gonna be indescribable, you can't even describe the situation that you're about to get into the situation."

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